How to be your husband’s Helpmeet: vintage advice for modern marriage

Did you know that being a traditional wife is about so much more than laundry, dishes, cooking, and making babies? It even goes beyond romantic dates and a healthy sex life with the Mr! What if I told you that the impact of your role in your marriage goes much deeper than simply the work of your hands and how you show up in practicalities?

Sit tight, because this is a tough pill to swallow for some women…

Many of you miss this vital element in the true calling of actually being a wife. Anyone can be ‘a wife’, even those so-called “Real Housewives” we see on TV. They may have a ring on their finger and the title of Mrs but a Traditional Housewife (or TradWife) knows she has another title.

Helpmeet!

A wife is supposed to be a good helpmeet, so what does that mean?

“Helpmeet” is a term that has its roots in the Bible, specifically in the book of Genesis, where it describes the role of the woman in relation to her husband. In Genesis 2:18, it says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” The word “helpmeet” comes from the Old English translation, and it’s derived from the combination of “help” and “meet” (meaning “fit” or “suitable”). Essentially, a helpmeet is someone who comes alongside another to help them fulfil their calling or purpose.

I can hear the feminist in all of us internally screaming at the mere thought of this.

“Help HIM you say?”

“What about ME???”

Well, what about you dear girl? If you want to stay home and raise your babies yourself, and pour yourself into your home and family then by proxy you absolutely need to help your husband fulfil his potential because he is the one who is providing!

A truth not often told in this modern age is that being a wife is a calling, and this means you are to be a supporter, cheerleader, and great encourager to your husband, not just a collector of his paycheck…

Encourage him, support him, and aim to be his biggest cheerleader. Not just a cost centre.

Common misconceptions about being a helpmeet to your husband

I get it, this concept of following vintage marriage advice might seem a little outdated, and does carry with it a lot of connotations and values that some of us would rather leave in the past. However, we kind of threw the baby out with the bathwater in a lot of ways when eschewing old-fashioned marriage advice in its entirety. I think the whole idea of being a helpmeet to your husband is a really helpful way to frame your role in your marriage, if it’s following a more ’traditional’ dynamic.

There are a lot of misconceptions though, so let’s explore them for clarity one by one.

1. A Helpmeet is submissive or inferior to her husband

One of the most common misconceptions about the concept of a helpmeet is that it implies a position of subjugation or inferiority. Some might interpret the word “helper” as meaning someone who is less-than or secondary to their partner. However, the original meaning doesn’t suggest inferiority but rather a complementary partnership. The term “helpmeet” emphasises equality, not hierarchy. The woman is not seen as less important but as a co-partner, uniquely designed to complement her husband’s strengths and weaknesses, creating a balanced team.

I’ll say that again.

The woman is not seen as less important but as a co-partner, uniquely designed to complement her husband’s strengths and weaknesses, creating a balanced team.

2. A Helpmeet’s role is just domestic or limited to the home

Another misconception is that the role of a helpmeet is confined only to domestic duties or a narrow scope of responsibilities. While homemaking and caring for the family are certainly important aspects, the idea of being a helpmeet extends far beyond just running a household.

My husband runs his own business, and while I may not help him out in the office day to day, I’m still there to help him formulate ideas, or talk through issues he may have. Quite often I get to use my corporate brain and the skillsets I learned while in the workforce to complement his working day. He often calls me in to help draft tough emails, and be a second pair of eyes to any blindspots.

A helpmeet is someone who supports and encourages their partner in every area of life - be it in their work, personal growth, dreams, or challenges. It’s about being a co-labourer in the journey of life, helping the other person thrive in every aspect.

3. A Helpmeet has no voice or opinions of her own

Some might mistakenly think that being a helpmeet means being silent, following without question, or having no voice in decisions. In reality, a true partnership requires open communication and mutual respect. A helpmeet is meant to contribute her wisdom, perspective, and strength, not just blindly follow. Her insights are valuable, and her voice is essential in a thriving relationship.

No man worth his salt, or deserving of a wife would ever treat her as less than him. He realises his position is to protect and provide, he values her opinion, and treats her with respect.

4. A Helpmeet only helps when things are easy

People might believe that the role of a helpmeet is only important when things are going well, but the true beauty of this role shines through when things get difficult. A helpmeet is someone who provides support and encouragement in times of hardship or challenge. It’s in these moments that her strength and commitment become clear. Offering love, stability, and guidance through tough seasons.

In fact, it’s a requirement for her to double-down when things get tough! The vows of “for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health” weren’t just said for vintage cuteness - they are instructions.

What you get out of being a wonderful wife and helpmeet?

Being a helpmeet is one of the most rewarding ways to invest in another person’s life. It allows you to be a source of strength, encouragement, and wisdom for your partner. You become a constant pillar, a source of reassurance, and a reminder of unconditional love, especially when life gets overwhelming.

There’s something incredibly beautiful about being in partnership with someone, working together toward shared goals. As a helpmeet, you are both allies and teammates. You contribute to one another’s success, growth, and happiness. There’s a deep satisfaction in knowing that you are not alone in life’s challenges, and together you can face anything and build a life full of purpose and meaning.

A helpmeet brings comfort, peace, and healing to their partner, especially in moments of stress or hardship. You provide a safe space where your partner can be vulnerable, rest, and recharge. The nurturing you offer goes beyond just physical care. It’s emotional, spiritual, and mental. To be able to provide this level of support is a beautiful gift, and it fosters a deep, abiding love.

Perhaps the most fulfilling part of being a helpmeet is seeing the positive impact you have on your partner’s life. Your support, love, and encouragement give them the confidence and strength to pursue their passions and ambitions. When they succeed, you succeed. It’s not about sacrifice or living in the shadow of someone else’s achievements; rather, it’s about being the foundation on which both of you build something meaningful.

Most importantly, being a helpmeet deepens the emotional connection in your relationship. Through all the ups-and-downs, you forge a bond built on mutual respect, love, and care. This partnership isn’t just about what each person brings individually, but how each person’s strengths and weaknesses complement the other. It’s a beautiful dance of giving and receiving that creates a strong, enduring relationship.

Being a helpmeet is an extraordinary role, it’s one of mutual respect, love, and growth. It’s about partnership, support, and being a steady foundation for the one you love. When viewed through the lens of respect and equality, being a helpmeet becomes not only a responsibility but a source of joy and fulfilment. It’s a role that allows you to pour into someone else’s life in ways that are deeply meaningful, all while building a life together that reflects your shared purpose and values.

If you’ve made it this far, I want to reach through the screen and give you the warmest hug. I know this way of life isn’t always easy. Sometimes it feels overlooked or misunderstood in a world that values different things. But please remember that what you do every day matters deeply. Your role as a helpmeet, as a partner who supports and uplifts, is powerful and meaningful.

When you embrace this role, you’re not stepping into weakness, you’re stepping into strength. You are the steady heartbeat of your home, the quiet confidence behind your partner’s success, and the loving presence that makes your family feel safe and whole. That is no small thing. That is real, valuable work.

There may be days when the laundry piles up, when no one seems to notice what you do, or when discouragement knocks at your door. On those days, remind yourself that you chose this path because it matters to you and to those you love. You chose to build a partnership based on respect, support, and shared dreams. What an important choice that is!

Being a helpmeet doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means becoming more fully who you are, the person uniquely suited to walk beside your partner, offering your gifts, your voice, and your love. You don’t disappear in this role, you are shaped by it, growing stronger and more confident every day.

So keep going darling. Keep showing up, even when it’s hard. Keep praying, keep loving, keep building. Your efforts are not in vain. Your efforts are not in vain. The connection you nurture creates a foundation that will carry you through challenges and joys alike. If you are a believer like me, then know too that The Lord sees, He delights in your obedience, and He will use your faithfulness in ways you may never fully see this side of heaven.

So keep going, with patience and grace.

You are not “just” a wife. You are a partner in building and maintaining something meaningful.

With all my heart,