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I don't want to be a Girlboss

I Dont Want To Be A Girlboss

A newspaper journalist once said “Girl Power” had passed me by… Considering I’m living life exactly how I wish, and am the mistress of my own destiny, I’m pretty sure that woman was having a bit of a brain-fart that day.

Her argument wasn’t about my decision to stay home, nor my advocating for those that do, but instead her assumption seemed to stem from the fact that not many women can afford to stay home, or have husbands that are willing to shoulder the responsibility of being the breadwinner. It was an argument based on her experience, other people’s circumstances, marriages, and the economy, not individual choice… and yet, women like me are labelled as someone who is “not part of the team”. She didn’t see me as separate from her world. She didn’t see, or believe in individual choice - just a homogenous choice for all women, for one cause.

She thought I was telling all women to do exactly as I do. The problem is, she was projecting!


All my life I thought feminism meant choice, but for many women today, that’s not their experience at all - you have to make the right choice. While I am all for women’s rights, equal opportunity and equity, this “girl power/girl boss/feminist” culture has fast become what it sought to destroy.

In many ways, I feel like it has become a bit of a bully. Putting men down, lifting women up to supremacy - to be over men (in every way), and not so subtly pitting women against each other if they don’t fit the mould. Even outing them to the world as traitors, like this journalist did to me.

Some days I really want to kick and scream and shout “who cares if I choose to spend my days caring for my family, spoiling my husband and supporting him in his work, mopping floors, baking cakes, sorting the laundry, and writing for fun?” The men of the world don’t seem to care, they’re happy for me to do what makes me happy, and they’re not even married to me (they seem to be able to compartmentalise this), so why are women so angry all the time? I think it’s because…

Many “feminists” don’t believe in equality at all.

What many women don’t get about other women today, is the fact that we don’t all want the same thing. Every choice a woman makes for herself should be celebrated, not judged by her own team. We still have places and spaces to make sure we bring equity to women (we don’t actually want equality, just FYI, because who wants to be treated like a man?), but when it comes to the narrative surrounding feminism, it’s now less about rights for a woman to choose for herself, and more about women at work, and making sure she is being treated better than her male counterparts…

If this is feminism in 2023 - I don’t want it! I don’t want the pressure to seek approval (from other women, mostly) according to my job title, or whether I’m an “independent woman” and can do without my husband. I also don’t want her telling me how to conduct myself within my marriage, and to constantly risk-assess something that should be based on mutual respect, commitment, and love!

I believe in equal rights for every man, woman, and child - but modern day feminism doesn’t seem to align with “equality” at all.

I do often wonder, that if I wrote this blog from the perspective of a lesbian marriage, if people would be quite so horrified? Or would the world celebrate my wife and I for figuring out a domestic arrangement that plays to both our strengths. One of us could do the laundry and take care of the finer details while the other “girl boss”, earns our keep, and is the responsible one?

Am I, Alena Kate Pettitt, just “weak” because I’m sleeping with the enemy?

It’s food for thought, but back to the matter at hand. Domesticity, and traditional relationship models are not the enemy here. Not every woman wants work outside of the home, because the work in it is quite enough for one person! Girl-bossing isn’t for every girl.


Not every woman wants to have a career.

...and that’s ok! I have two (unpaid: before you come baying for my blood) interviews to share with you today as that’s what I’ve been mostly up to this week in my spare time.

The first is with Alex Clark from Turning Point USA. I don’t like to associate The Darling Academy with political parties, because I believe that homemakers come in all forms and political persuasions. However the invite was there, and it was a lovely chat about my experience of being linked to the alt-right and white supremacy because…. well, I’m white? Or I wash dishes? I can’t remember the reason.

Spillover_with Alex_Clark_Alena_Pettitt

It would be great if someone could tell me why an occupation that has busied women from every ancient culture and race since the dawn of time has become a strictly “white thing”. I’m as confused as the rest of you!

The interview with Alex from POPlitics can be watched on YouTube, or if you prefer, via your favourite podcast platform, such as Apple, and Spotify.


Homemaking is a valid career choice

GB News also invited me on to chat about all things choice and representation. This one is short, sweet, and blow-your-mind respectful! Could the tides be turning in the media, or am I just making smarter choices with who I give my time to these days?

I am refusing to engage in debates on TV now, despite being asked many times to do so. I just don’t believe women’s choices should be up for debate! However, when it comes to being fairly represented, we have a long way to go still, but I’ll keep turning up until we are.


In case you missed it, I have been updating my own YouTube channel with a little bit of homely/wholesome content that I used to post on Instagram. It’s my little antidote to the often serious (and sometimes draining) side of what I do here.

I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to return with chatty videos just yet as life has been a little busy, with a fair few changes going on at home, but I hope you enjoy a little snapshot into the highlights of my life behind the screen!

Thank you ever so much for your emails and the frankly overwhelming response to my last blog post where I shared my testimony with you all. I was so incredibly nervous to post it, but as ever, you blew me away with your grace, kindness, and love.

We really do have a beautiful community here now, there are over 10,000 subscribers to my emails, so while it may sometimes feel like you are alone in your life as a homemaker and sheer love for it, believe me, you are not.

Until next time, with all my heart,

Alena x

Thank you to my lovely patrons.

I hope this post and your time here at The Darling Academy has blessed you. If you like our values and found this post useful or inspiring, would you kindly consider supporting the blog.


All content and images in this article are copyright of The Darling Academy and are not to be shared or reproduced without our express permission. Vintage illustration sourced from Pinterest.

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