The Tradwife Aesthetic: How to dress like a Trad Wife

Over the years, I have shared my heart for homemaking, traditional living, and the beauty of a well-ordered home. In doing so, I fear I may have unintentionally contributed to the growing emphasis on the aesthetic of the “trad wife” rather than the heart behind it. My intention has always been to encourage women in their role at home, not to create a picture-perfect ideal that feels unattainable or burdensome. If my words or images have ever led anyone to feel excluded, or pressured to perform rather than to feel encouraged, I sincerely apologise.

It’s now been nearly two years since I left Instagram. I did this to focus not only on my family, but on my passion for writing, and creating content that truly lasts. Social media often falls short when it comes to deep, meaningful conversations - especially about something as personal as the calling to care for our families instead of pursuing careers outside the home.

Looking back, my regret is that during my time on Instagram, I let the platform shape my public image in a way that unintentionally created division among us.

The truth is, there isn’t just one way to be a Trad Wife. Despite what you might see online, not all of us bake sourdough. Some of us don’t dream of having a milk cow or keeping chickens. And not everyone feels at home in floaty floral dresses. The Trad Wives we see online often fall into two visual camps, the 1940s and 1950s “Retro/Vintage” housewife, or the Pioneer/Farm girl.

I’ll admit it - I’m hopelessly in love with both styles, to me, they are so darn pretty.

As time goes on, I realise that one style I tried out felt like a costume on me - at the time it was somewhat idolised in a specific part the community. It was beautiful, and quite interesting - but it was not authentic to me personally. I can still appreciate it on other women, but we must be careful not to fall into the trap of imitation, in order to fit in! It happens to the best of us. It’s natural to want to feel like we “belong”, especially when that thing is a bit of a sub-culture.

I’ve tried many different iterations of style in my nearly 40 years, and have simply landed on knowing that I like to feel feminine! That’s it… no specific formula. My priorities are still the same, regardless of my clothing.

However, if that’s not you, then cool! The clothes do not maketh the woman… I will stand by what I feel good in, but that doesn’t necessarily make it an authority, and the current popular creators on TikTok or other platforms shouldn’t really “influence” what Trad Wives must wear - because it’s down to individual choice at the end of the day. It’s why social media and the distillation of a whole life into one “image” is damaging. This lifestyle is too nuanced, and the people in it too beautifully varied, to parcel it up and sell it as an “aesthetic”.

This is the beauty of life, we get to try things on for size and see what fits, and it may not always land on “what’s trending”. They are just clothes, current “Trad Wife look” included…. Nowadays I tend to find myself reaching for the cotton and shirred milkmaid dresses more often, simply because they’re ridiculously comfortable and make me feel like I should be frolicking through a meadow (instead of, you know, vacuuming the floor for the hundredth time).

But…

Just because your favourite Instagrammer or YouTuber wears a certain style doesn’t mean you have to!

One of my best friends is my homemaking twin, we swap daily updates about our latest triumphs, to-do lists, (and disasters), and we even take great joy in sending each other before-and-after videos of the horrors lurking inside our washing machine filters, or we “pour it out” and share the gross water after mopping (try it, so motivating in the weirdest way). But here’s the kicker - she dresses almost exclusively in black and loves heavy metal music. We look like polar opposites, yet we couldn’t be closer or more aligned in values if we tried.

My own wardrobe these days is a mix of flowy dresses (hot Aussie weather), plus plain t-shirts and practical jeans. But here’s the thing: you mostly see me at my prettiest because, let’s be honest, social media is just one big highlight reel! If you could peek through the screen right now, you’d find a makeup-free face, a tangled mess of hair, and a woman who has just thrown off a seasonal cold. Truly, a vision of grace.

Simply put, what you see online isn’t the full picture - not for me, and not for any other Trad Wife in the public eye.

How to look like a Trad Wife

Over the years, I’ve received countless emails from women who love being homemakers but feel like they don’t quite fit the mold - whether due to personal style, body shape, disability, budget, or something else entirely. If that’s you, I want you to know: you belong here.

Your heart for your home and your family is what truly matters, not how well you match a certain aesthetic.

If we take an honest look at where the movement has landed since it began, there’s definitely a certain “look” that’s become popular - and I’m sure you’ve noticed it if you follow some of the biggest names in the online space today.

Key elements of the Trad Wife Aesthetic

I asked ChatGPT (what a scary thing) to describe the Trad Wife aesthetic to me, and this is what he/it (!?) came up with after scouring the internet…

“The trad wife aesthetic embraces a vintage-inspired wardrobe, often featuring tea-length, fit-and-flare, or prairie-style dresses adorned with soft, feminine details like lace, floral prints, and puff sleeves. Modesty is central to this style, with longer hemlines, high necklines, and clothing that highlights femininity without revealing too much skin. Aprons, often frilly or embroidered, are a staple accessory, symbolising homemaking and care. A well-groomed appearance completes the look, with soft curls, pinned hairstyles, or simple up-dos, complemented by subtle, natural makeup - rosy cheeks and maybe a touch of lipstick for a timeless, classic touch”.

Suffice to say, this is only returning information and advice based on what it is being fed. We don’t have to drink the Kool-Aid too my loves!

This is the moment where I hope you realise I’ve pulled a fast one with my blog title! Surprise - I’m here to de-influence you, but in a way that highlights the true beauty of the diversity among us.

Being a Traditional Housewife isn’t an aesthetic, it’s a calling

Exactly how you look right now, is what a Trad Wife looks like darling!!!

While the Trad Wife Aesthetic on media platforms is often recognised through its visual appeal, at its core, it should still represent a deeply held philosophy of simple, intentional living. It’s about embracing the role of a wife and mother with joy, serving one’s family with love, and creating a home that reflects beauty, peace, and faith.

Just as a woman in the office might dress to impress - commanding respect while remaining respectful - we, too, dress for the daily tasks of our lives, choosing attire that speaks to softness, comfort, and purpose.

But let’s not forget: in a life spent mostly at home, our clothing has the power to uplift our spirits, too. While I’ll never dictate how you should dress, I do want to encourage you to dress in a way that makes you feel your best - and maybe even in a way that delights your husband!

There’s a wealth of scientific research showing the link between outward appearance and social success. At its core, it’s about cleanliness, dressing with respect, and wearing what makes you feel good, because when we feel good, we show up better in every area of life. I’ve written about this at length in both Ladies Like Us, and English Etiquette.

What should a homemaker wear?

In a world that often places emphasis on outward appearances, it’s easy to feel like we need to fit a certain mold to be successful in our calling. Yet, homemaking is not about appearances. It has never been about a particular style of dress, home decor, or curated lifestyle.

A wife who wears leggings and a sweatshirt while making a home-cooked meal is no less devoted than one in a vintage dress and apron. A mother who spends her days in jeans, chasing toddlers and wiping spills, is just as loving and faithful as one who dresses in florals and braids her hair each morning.

The idea that one must fit a certain aesthetic to embrace traditional living can be discouraging to many women who feel they don’t measure up. But homemaking is not about being picturesque; it is about being present. It is about meeting your husband and children’s needs with love, creating a space of peace and warmth, and living out your calling in the way that best suits your season of life.

Priorities over perfection

It is easy to fall into the trap of comparison, especially in the age of social media where curated images can make it seem as though others are living a more “ideal” version of homemaking. But we are not who we are as homemakers because we are striving for perfection in how we look and dressing in an assumed uniform.

It’s also true that a beautiful home is not one that looks like it belongs in a magazine, but one that is filled with love, patience, and a sense of peace.

The beauty of homemaking and being a Trad Wife is that it is not a one-size-fits-all role. Honestly, how boring if we all end up looking the same anyway!?

Each woman can, and should, bring her own gifts, talents, personality, and style to the home, and her own image! Some may love wearing vintage dresses, while others feel more themselves in jeans and a t-shirt. Some may enjoy filling their home with antique furniture, while others prefer a minimalist and modern approach. What matters is not the outward details, but the heart behind it.

Rather than striving to fit an image, seek to be faithful in the work entrusted to you. If your home is filled with love and laughter, if your husband and children feel cared for, if your days are spent in service to your family and in pursuit of what is good, then you are fulfilling a beautiful calling, regardless of how it looks on the outside.

The heart of homemaking, wifehood, and motherhood is found not in an aesthetic, but in the daily acts of love, sacrifice, and service. You do not need to fit a particular image to be a good homemaker - you simply need to be faithful in what has been given to you to do. Whether you love vintage dresses or prefer a simple ponytail and practical clothes, whether your home looks like a page from history, a highly ordered minimalist place, or a cosy, lived-in space, you are enough.

On Wednesday’s, we wear whatever we want…

The phrase “On Wednesdays we wear pink” from the movie Mean Girls highlights the exclusivity and superficiality of “mean girl” culture, where cliques and appearances dictate who can belong. This attitude has no place in the world of traditional homemakers, where inclusivity and support are at the heart of our community. Unfortunately, the media (and its algorithms) often perpetuate unrealistic standards, presenting an idealised aesthetic that excludes women who don’t fit a narrow template. After all, we’re not actually Stepford Wives, though a few of us may like how they dress ;)

In our world, we reject that notion. We believe all women, regardless of their dress or appearance, are worthy of love, respect, and a seat at the table. Our community is built on kindness, understanding, and the shared goal of uplifting one another, embracing women of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds with open arms. Everyone is welcome.

So in the words of a character from one of my very favourite movies,
“I like you very much, just as you are”.